July July!

We are at July already!!! YAY! yet now that we are in July it seems like time started to go slow slow slow! I feel like I have so many more added tensions and many more stresses! I feel me and the kids are all alone with no one and I need to try to freaking get my mind out of the sad zone and pick it up.. be a better mommy for the kids take them out more let them have more fun! I am so blessed and I need to keep reminding myself that.. Keep asking God to help me not dwell on stupid stuff and give my stresses and worries to him!  We have 20 something days till daddy comes home and it's killing me ... We start hockey again next week!!! and we start swim classes again next week and I am so excited! We have swimming for two weeks so I am thinking that once that is over that we only have two more weeks.. I am so excited!! Plus I am hoping that bryan gets good enough at swim class to pass the pool test and be able to go down the slides alone and the diving board so that he can swim with daddy and do those things with daddy when he gets back! that would be an awesome surprise for daddy if he could do that. Lauren is getting soo big and she laughs and plays and coos at me and the boys so much.. she even coo's at Matt all the time. We wont a photo session for our home coming with Matt and I am super excited! It is going to be awesome! I think the thing I am most excited about it Matt meeting Lauren.. I can not wait to see his face when he sets eyes on to our little princess.. I love my children so much and I am so thankful for them!
Come on July!! go super fast already! I want to see my handsome hubby!

June is almost gone and we've done 20 weeks!!

Pretty soon I will be able to say my hubby comes back next month!!! I am so excited. We are almost in the 30's of how many days he has left... I think its so awesome that we are already in month 5 about and we have done so well.. I have only had what like 2 melt downs and they were mostly hormonal since I just had lauren or when I was pregnant with her.
Lauren is getting so big. She is almost three months old. She has changed so much since she was born. The boys are doing pretty good. Alex keeps asking if we are going to go pick up daddy and gets excited when I say anything that seems similar. I have decided I wanted to suprise Alex with a big "package" from daddy and it being daddy inside... I think he would be super super excited! I think both boys should see daddy at the same time.. but Matt wants to surprise Bryan at the hockey rink.. His mind is set on it...
Lauren gets to meet daddy all by herself. :) I am thinking the boys will be at school when he gets in and hopefully its just Lauren and I. I am excited for her to meet her daddy! I already have her outfit picked out and her shoes and all I need is some new earrings and a head band.
6 more weeks!! I hope they fly by super fast! I am ready to be all together as a family of 5!
At the same time of excitement I have anxiety! I feel the pressure to look awesome for my hubby! Especially because I just had lauren and I feel still like I have some baby flab going on.. but with three kids I hardly get a break to actually exercise. It's a blessing when a friend will ask if I need her to watch my kids so I can go for a run! I have ran like 3 times now and on those days I am sooo much happier! Running is such a stress reliever for me! Plus I am trying to keep the house super clean until then and that is also tough with three kids.. ok not super clean but picked up! I want to steam clean the carpets a day or so before he gets here as well.. I am excited but nervous! :) come on 6 weeks go by fast! we miss daddy!

Is it really June?!

Yay! It is finally June. 2 more months. I am excited. I am so done with this deployment. I can not wait to hold my hubby! I can not wait to kiss him and love on him! I am so done being a single parent. I feel so bad for all those single parents out there .. I am so greatful for my husband and what he does for our family. He sacrafices so much for us and for that I am super proud of that man! We are going on our second week of summer vacation the first week was not so bad. I plan on going Ice skating with the boys this coming week and then maybe going to chuckee cheese some time soon this month as well. . I have an awesome friend that I can trust to watch baby Lauren.
I look at my three children and feel so blessed. They are so cute and at times so sweet. They just want to be good and please me and that makes me so happy! Lauren is doing good on her routine she sleeps better then before.. She takes a night bottle any where from 9:30-10:30 and then goes to bed till 4 am then wakes up again at 6:3-7 am . I feel I get enough sleep.
I am having issues  not being able to exercise as much as I would like. That is making me sad because I feel so blah with out that extra boost. I will be glad when Matt gets back so i can start to run again and start training for my half marathon! 64 days till the love of my life gets back!! yay! We have been talking about where we might try to go to next... and so far Matt really wants to go to Germany. I have never really wanted to do that.. but I am willing to go to the moon and back for this man! lol We will see what happens..
I am hoping these next few weeks go by faster!! I am ready to be a whole family!!!!

Emotional

The past two days I have been so emotional.. I have cried at the drop of a Hat and have felt so alone, so over whelmed, so stressed..
I am trying to put Lauren on a routine and she does not want to cooperate. She is use to feeding to sleep and having eratic sleeping sessions that she cries a lot when I lay her down to nap. She is actually sleeping better at night though so it is paying off. I just gotta keep up with it!
I am missing Matt so much! I feel like I have nothing in common with people I know. I feel like I have to be confined to my house because I am trying to work on a routine.. and I feel alone... with three kids all on my own with no one to relate to me.
I miss having help. I wish my mom was more motherly and was able to be there for me for once in our lives. I am a big jealous of her life and her boyfriend. She came to help me out in the beggining before I had Lauren and could not even help me for one week ... she got stressed out and cried and stayed in her room didn't help cook or clean... Then goes back to her boyfriend and is always making food for him always baking cakes aNd cookies for her friends.. I just don't get it.. but she is my mom and I either except her that way or no way right?
Matt and I had an argument the other night because I was crying and telling him how hard it all ways for me and he worried about me and got defensive! Tried telling me what to do as if he was my father instead of being supportive and understanding.. He said sorry to me today and we worked it out.. I felt better knowing that he was just upset because he felt helpless to me and wishes he could be here...
After praying a lot and realizing that it is just probably my hormones going wild again... I feel so much better.
I know I am going to have off days.. here and there but I feel entitled to them! lol I have three children one of which is a new born... and I am doing it all alone.
Plus all of us have colds and bryan has a cough... I am trying to clean my house as best as I can and I feel like things are so upside down here in the house... but I am trying and slowly but surely things will work themselves out. We have about 2 months and 10 days left till daddy should be home! Hoping and praying time goes by fast... Summer vacation starts tomorrow.. Hoping to get through it like a breeze :)
Lauren gets her two month shots tomorrow and I am also getting her ears pierced! I can not wait.. :) My next mile stone to get to is the 2 month left mark, Then July 4th, Then July 27th :) Then The boys meet your teacher day at school which is August 2nd. I am excited to go school supply shopping for them lol I know that is something silly to be excited for... I just love it.
My kids are getting so big so fast. Bry is going to be a First grader, Alex a Kindergartner.. and Lauren is 2 months today!
I am blessed.

Half way over...

Today we reached a half way point in our deployment. So far it has not seemed like it has been horrible and not too slow. We have gone through 3 months all we need to do is get through the next 3 months.
This half of the deployment we have summer vacation. The boys say they want to go to the beach and the pool a lot! we will see what happens. Having Lauren may be a little tough to take them so often. I am excited that we are half way done. Plus my in laws leave thursday, my mil has been here since March 11th so its about that time to get our house back in order and back to being just us again. The boys have been so wild and disrespectful that I am ready to get back in to our routines and back to being mommy and not slacking off as i have been.
I slacked off alot due to the fact that Matt left and I was pregnant and tired and then had a baby and was tired... now I am ready to get back to having a household with obedient children haha. 3 months will be a breeze at least I hope. Plus I start working out soon and maybe even get to run.. I love running and I hope to be in my first half marathon in January at Disneyland.
I have a super positive outlook for these next 3 months.. lets get them started!

Fast Foward

Lately I have been wishing we could just fast foward all this time we have left and have our daddy home!
So I had Lauren Kelani chouinard on March 27th at 12:05pm  She was 6lbs and 15.5 ounces and was 19.5 inches long.
She was the cutest thing ever. She had a touch of trouble breathing and they almost took her to the NICU , they gave her tons of oxygen and she finally started to do good on her own. We stayed in the hospital for two days. Daddy did not get to see her be born because it went by so fast and we could not get him on Face time fast enough. I did chat with him on viber as soon as she was out. He was so excited and so was I. Although it was a happy yet sad moment for me.. It hit me all at once... My husband is in the phillipines and I just had our third baby.
We have gotten through almost 3 months so almost half way done and it just seems to go by slow some days... like its only three months! and other days its like wow we are down three months! We only have three left to go! Now that Lauren is here time flies... She was doing so good then all of a sudden she started to get Gassy at night and fussy .. last night I only got an hour sleep and I am so exhausted. My in laws go home May 9th and that is about 2 weeks away. So I will be on my own with three kids and to tell you the truth I am very excited about that! I am so ready to be on our own. I take the kids out all three of them all bymyself very often and its not that bad. Bryan is such a big helper he loves his sister so much and always wants to touch her or hold her or help her by giving her bottle to her.
Alex loves to say its ok Lauren when she cries and tell her coochie coochie coo! and tickle tickle! lol he is so cute. She is 4 weeks tomorrow! :) how time flies ... pretty soon she will be two months then three then 4 and then Daddy will be home meeting her for the first time! how awesome that will be.. I cry at thinking of the very moment he meets his daughter! I can not imagine what it is like not to meet one of your children till they are 4 months old. I would be a bunch of nerves if I was him and he always acts so calm and cool about everything. I am guessing deep inside he does get nervous just wants to be the cool guy! lol
I love my little family and I love that we are doing such a good job so far. I am pretty proud that I had our baby girl all on my own and so far I am holding it together so well! Prayer has helped so much! Praying for my strength each and every day in each and every way! PRaying I have Faith! and praying time flies just a little faster!
Sunday is Bryan's 6th Birthday! This is daddies 2nd birthday he has missed for Bryan. His Theme is Baseball and we are having it here at the house. It is so far the first birthday I have not gone way over board with. I have been so exhausted and I have been so out of it that I barely went to get decorations and stuff for his party yesterday.
I hope him and his friends have such a good time. We rented a bounce house for him.... and have a few games they can play. He gets his San Jose Sharks Jersey for his birthday and a Skylander he has been wanting. :)
That was my next mile stone to make it to... the next one is my in laws leaving. Then after that is the last day of school. HAve a lot to look forward too! :) Plus I cant wait for Lauren to sleep through the night and sleep in her own crib in her own room. :)

Emotional train wreck!

I am feeling so emotional today! I have cried at the drop of a hat. I have been crying because I am adding a new child to this family. The fact that she is our little girl, the fact that I am going to be leaving the boys home with friends and then my mother in law while I am in the hospital for the two or so days makes me so sad. I am sad because my hubby is not here and that breaks my heart. I am sad because I still have 4 months and 2 weeks before he will even meet his daughter and before I can feel his hug and kiss! I feel so anxious about another c-section , I feel so anxious about being in the hospital... I feel so anxious that she has not come out yet.. I have never even gotten farther than 37 weeks to the date.. and I am going to be 39 weeks soon! Sunday is D day! She gets cut out on sunday if I do not go in to regular labor and its making me anxious.
The boys have been so hard to handle lately! its been overwhelming. It is like they do not want to listen to any one for nothing! My Mother in law has been very helpful! she has let me sleep in and has taken over dinner for them and takes them to parks and to play basket ball its been such a blessing to have her here ! I am so greatful!
I miss Matt so much! I have been so strong up till this point and I pray and pray that I will continue to stay strong and get even more strong! We are down 6 weeks!!! and in 5 days I will have a new baby girl added to our family.. that is so weird to say and to feel! I am excited!!! :)