Emotional train wreck!

I am feeling so emotional today! I have cried at the drop of a hat. I have been crying because I am adding a new child to this family. The fact that she is our little girl, the fact that I am going to be leaving the boys home with friends and then my mother in law while I am in the hospital for the two or so days makes me so sad. I am sad because my hubby is not here and that breaks my heart. I am sad because I still have 4 months and 2 weeks before he will even meet his daughter and before I can feel his hug and kiss! I feel so anxious about another c-section , I feel so anxious about being in the hospital... I feel so anxious that she has not come out yet.. I have never even gotten farther than 37 weeks to the date.. and I am going to be 39 weeks soon! Sunday is D day! She gets cut out on sunday if I do not go in to regular labor and its making me anxious.
The boys have been so hard to handle lately! its been overwhelming. It is like they do not want to listen to any one for nothing! My Mother in law has been very helpful! she has let me sleep in and has taken over dinner for them and takes them to parks and to play basket ball its been such a blessing to have her here ! I am so greatful!
I miss Matt so much! I have been so strong up till this point and I pray and pray that I will continue to stay strong and get even more strong! We are down 6 weeks!!! and in 5 days I will have a new baby girl added to our family.. that is so weird to say and to feel! I am excited!!! :)

At a stand still

So we are almost at 5 weeks down and I feel like I am at a standstill. I feel like time is starting to go slower and slower. Waiting for my newborn to be born is very hard at this point . My body is so tired and in pain already. I am hoping she comes VBAC. So I do not have to spend all that time recovering from surgery with a C-section.
I am excited my mother in law will be here in 3 days and she will be able to help out a lot with the boys. Taking bryan to school and doing all the morning stuff and picking him up with me.. if I can still keep walking up till its time to have Lauren. I went to get a growth scan yesterday and Lauren was estimated to be about 6lbs and 9 ounces so far. I still have two weeks so I am thinking she is going to hit the 7lb mark! She is our heaviest baby !  She was sticking out her tounge again! she is so cute. I can not wait to see her little face! I can not wait to meet my daughter for the first time. I can not wait to see who she looks like, I am hoping she looks just like her daddy!
I am missing my hubby so much. I wish he was here to go through the Dr. appointments with me, yet I realize there is a reason that I am doing this by myself and I feel that I am strong enough to get through this and feel very blessed that God would entrust me with this big honor! He thinks very highly of me! I am super excited to have the feeling that I accomplished so much while Matt was deployed and that I once again grew stronger as a person and stronger as a military wife and mom.

I am trying my hardest to stay positive and not complain but there are times when I feel so a lone and feel so tired of doing it a lone. I think that is when I try my hardest to pray and draw closer to God to get my strength and faith from him.